By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
