So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The best revenge is premature balding
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
as a side note pls kill me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
