Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
