NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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