sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think my tv is drunk
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
