bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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