So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my sisters under your porch take her home
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
