i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
