The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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