i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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