I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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