i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
