6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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