Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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