I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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