There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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