1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
