Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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