I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
