So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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