my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
