I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize