we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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