I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize