this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
