you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
