This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
