come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
