she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
