You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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