I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
