Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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