I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
