I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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