I'm lost and stupid without you.
im holly from the hills drunk
my being single is dangerous.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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