you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
