I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
