He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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