He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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