it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
bring money and cleavage
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
