It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
