i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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