If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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