At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
