i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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