Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
