I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
