I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
