never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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