Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
