in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
