No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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