I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Where is the hickey?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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