is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
