Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
