Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
