Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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