Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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