I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize