I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
