She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
