watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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