Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Duck Duck Cougar?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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