Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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