Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
