You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
