he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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