the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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