I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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