At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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