I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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