when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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